If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
