He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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