I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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