I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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