She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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