omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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