Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
