I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
