I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
