i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
