If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
