Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
