So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
