it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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