I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
