Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
