I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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