someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
