paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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