it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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