she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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