I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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