I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
