We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I've blown a few things in my day
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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