Girls should come with a carfax report
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize