i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
