i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
