every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
