his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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