She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
