im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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