shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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