Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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