I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
