operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
