My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
