My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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