his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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