There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
