went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
