dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I AM VODKA MAN
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
