So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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