I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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