I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
