isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
