I am in a vortex of obligation.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
