Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
