Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
