we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
