It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
