sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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