I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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