He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
