I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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