I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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