hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
