Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
