He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
