someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
