Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
