i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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