its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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