I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
