Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
