I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
