I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
