i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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