So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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