john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
