it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
