try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize