I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
