she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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