Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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